I have to say, my guys are just absolutely great. I've decided to share the best of the emails, below, to illustrate the hilarity, hijinks, and total fun nonsense that happens at our 4E Modern games. Seriously, all this ridiculous stuff actually went down in our game, and it was fun, and easy to run for the Dungeon Master. So much of this didn't make any sense, and was totally over the top, but none of that stuff mattered. Point of my post: here is an example of why you shouldn't ever get worried about the story in your roleplaying games making absolute sense. Pond-shallow plot lines are absolutely perfect. "We want to kill the Overlord because he is bad." and "Let's kill the Goblins and take their stuff" are classics for a reason.
Welcome to the group Steve!
My character for the Modern Campaign is a nameless ninja that has a serial number for a name. I forget the exact number, but it begins with a '4'. He is the lone survivor of a secret government operation, the Federal Operation to Obliterate Turtles. The organization was active in New York during the early nineties, and was launched to deal with the threat of monstrous turtles that had not only gained self awareness, but a taste for human flesh. Long story short, the operation was a huge failure, and the dead bodies of the F.O.O.T operatives still choke several branches of the Manhattan sewer system. The U.S was forced to recognize the sovereign right of turtles to inhabit the sewer system and take the occasional human victim from time to time (a pizza delivery as it has become known). To add insult to injury, the government hushed up the entire operation and facts were altered, and F.O.O.T became the dream of a mad alien being from another dimension operating in concert with a Pan Pacific Hegemony agent nick named, "The Shredder". The lone surviving agent was sent to a government facility where a break through in Ninja Research was made, the so called Inverse Ninja Theory. After piecing the Ninja's traumatized mind with years of psychotherapy, they enlisted him into department 7 to see just how far the Inverse Ninja Theory will go when put against the Ninja Armies of the Pan Pacific Hegemony.
I wasn't present for the first session, but it dealt with rescuing the president and first lady from Nazi's. At some point, Joe Biden was turned into a zombie, then turned back into a human. I'm a little sketchy on the details, but it all ended with Obama slam dunking a bomb into a vat of acid or something like that. Some time after that, the team found out the Michele Obama may be a Nazi and that she was taken to Taiwan. The team went there and invaded the hotel she was kept hostage in, Nazi's were slain, abominations at the bottom of elevator shafts were avoided, secret passage ways containing the preserved remains of British Fascists were uncovered, Robotic Scorpion and Subzero ninjas were finished and the Nazi Helicopter that was sent to pick up the first lady (the Swatstikopter) was pulled out of the air. There was a chase on the highway connecting mainland China to Taiwan afterwords, but the team managed to recover the first lady with style. Afterwards, we were sent to London to help out the crown (and here I thought we fought a revolution so we wouldn't have to care about them anymore... ah well..)
In London, we found that King Henry (or is it William? I get them confused) is dying of cancer. In a prior Question of the Week, we had decided that cancer was now curable (though it required a total blood transfusion, thus making the death penalty mandatory in all states); so this meant that he wasn't dying of any old cancer; but SUPER CANCER. Allegations were that the King was being targeted by someone close to him, and a letter from a raving lunatic was the only lead. We Googled a couple of names in the letter, and came across a recent news article about one of them being murdered on that morning. So we went to the crime scene were the murder took place. The vic was a friar who had been crucified upon the altar with the name BORS carved into his head. Some digging was done and we found out that the friar was a scholar of Arthurian legend, and was in contact with a book seller about a certain rare tome, and had an invitation to a gentleman's club (the English kind, not the fun kind) run by Prince William (may be Henry, my bad if it is). There was also some indication the perps that did in the friar escaped through the sewers, but Ninja doesn't do sewers so we decided to hit up the Bookstore instead. Nothing happened there. After the Bookstore, we made our way to the Gentleman's club and found that the Guards weren't to keen on letting us in. So we sneaked into the building, and caused a large commotion in the building to disable the guards, and played it off as some improv theater to throw everyone off the scent. We took a butler hostage (though he did manage to phone the prince) and proceeded to tear apart the place looking for evidence (but all we found were more raving lunatics). We found the book the friar was looking for, indicating that Cardiff (capital of Whales, or so I'm told) was where the holy grail was laid to rest, as well as some Lovecraftian twists on the traditional L'Morte d' Arthur saga. As we left the club, we saw the Prince in his Limo speed off, we hooked a homing beacon to it and prepared to follow, but Christian Bale and his cadre of Bat Men were sent to take care of us. After enduring the endless rants of the Bat Man, we took off after the prince. En route, we were intercepted by former PM Tony Blair. The PM didn't live through the encounter (or so it will say on the report), so we zombified him and used him to bring out the prince and battle ensued. On one side, us and our undead minion vs the Prince and his undead minions. Our undead minion carried the day and victory was had. We recovered the holy grail and excaliber; cured the King of his Super Cancer, and have procured bragging rights yet again for America to use over our British allies.
The group's next stop is the Middle East, so get ready to protect our love of freedom and democracy!